Beast of Burden

As soon as we signed on this morning, the dispatcher said, "I hate to do this to you, but we need to to take 385 out. We've got a run for you."

385 is the bariatric ambulance. Wide load stretcher, rated for up to 850 pounds.

We take a 500 pound lady to a rehab hospital. After we leave her off, my partner, who teched the call, says, "She told me she was a registered dietician for 20 years."

"What! What happened?"

"She retired."

So she's a dietician for 20 years, then she retires and its like, "Wow, I'm not a dietician anymore, I can eat chocolate pie!"

We thought we were clear, then the dispatcher says, "I hate to do this to you but we have another bariatric run." As soon as we cleared that, they hit us again. 500 lbs, 420 lbs, and 350 pounds. At least they were getting lighter. My body felt like I'd done four sets of heavy squats followed by four sets of heavy deadlifts by the time we were done. The stretcher may be rated for heavy people, but you still have to move it up and down. It was usually just me on one end. Even moving it in and out of the ambulance is a strain, just bearing the weight as you pull it out, waiting for the wheels to drop.

We got back in our regular ambulance and banged out another five calls including another 300 pounder. They were for an OD, an Abd pain, a fall, a two transfers.

On the radio Mick Jagger was singing "Beast of Burden." I cranked it up:

I'll never be your beast of burden
My back is broad but it's a hurting
...
I'll tell ya
You can put me out
On the street
Put me out
With no shoes on my feet
But, put me out, put me out
Put me out of misery

I'll never be your beast of burden
I'll never be your beast of burden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

I need no fussing
I need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be
**

One of our calls was for an OD-- a young man took thirty pills. I told the nurse he had a seafood allergy. She says to me, "Well, then why didn't he just go to Big Y and buy a bag or shrimp or go to Red Lobster if he wanted to off himself."